Triggered by a Tuna Sandwich

You just never know what will trigger your grief.

Yesterday, I made tuna salad and egg salad and thought nothing of it. Today, when I pulled it out of the refrigerator to make myself a sandwich, the emotions came flooding in.

Why?

Because those were two of my Mom's favorite things to eat.

Suddenly, I was transported back to the last time I made a tuna sandwich. It wasn't for me. It was for the two of us, sitting in her house in the middle of her battle with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

On the 28th of this month, it will be one year since my Mom went to be with the Lord.

And just like that, a simple tuna sandwich sent me back to one of the hardest seasons of my life—the week my Mom passed away, leading into the anniversary of losing my sweet Schuylar to cancer three years earlier.

Two devastating losses. Two women I loved with all my heart.

The memories come rushing back. The countless weeks spent as a caregiver. The doctor's appointments. The treatments. The long days. The sleepless nights. The helpless feeling of watching two of the people I loved most slowly fade away before my eyes.

So today is a bean bag chair kind of day.

A day to sit with my memories.

A day to let the tears fall.

A day to miss them both.

But it is also a day to be grateful.

Grateful that neither of them is suffering anymore.

Grateful for the love we shared.

And grateful for the promise that one day I will see them again.

Because of the God I serve, I know this isn't goodbye forever. Scripture promises that we will be reunited with those who know Him. One day, I will burst through Heaven's gates and wrap my arms around both my Mom and my Schuylar.

Until then, I carry them in my heart.

If you're grieving today, let this be your reminder: grief doesn't follow a schedule. It doesn't ask permission before showing up. Sometimes it arrives through a song. A smell. A photograph.

Or a tuna sandwich.

When it does, let it come.

Let the memories flood in.

Let the tears fall if they need to.

Walk your grief journey the way that helps you survive it—not the way others think you should.

Everyone's grief journey is different, but that doesn't mean you have to walk it alone. ❤️

Much Love,

Jessica